Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
