i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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