Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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