Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
