I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
