I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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