I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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