Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
