I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
