yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
