we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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