New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
