Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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