Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
