we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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