i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
