Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
