and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
