I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
