Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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