i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
