a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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