Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
