i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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