9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
