yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
