So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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