maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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