You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
