I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
