Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
