remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
