k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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