Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
the condom got lost in my hair
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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