your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
