Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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