I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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