Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
We had to coat check the pizza.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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