She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
