Just fell off a train. Bad.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
We were destined to go to rehab together
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
