I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Randomize
