so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
