I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
