I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
