dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
