I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I FOUND THE LEGS
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
