It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
