i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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