you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
