ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
