Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
