im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
