that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
why do cheetos always look like penises
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
