Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
