Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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