yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
