Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
This is the prime rib incident all over again
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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