I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
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