Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
