Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
