I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize