You're so nebulous sometimes
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
