Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
