You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
