Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
