just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
