All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
