I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
