So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
