you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
