how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize