omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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