Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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