What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Everclear isn't food dammit
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
