i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
