he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Randomize
