every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
