He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
