so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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