Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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