dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
